Smaller Gestures

Hand gestures are also part of the vocabulary of body language. They, too, can be divided into open gestures
(positive responses) and closed or concealed gestures (negative responses), except that their range is far more intricate and expressive. I should point out that individual gestures, just like the individual words on this page, don't say much. Only when you're presented with more than one gesture, perhaps combined with an expression and topped off with some overall body language, can you deduce that a particular clenched fist means "Wow, my horse came in first!" and not "I'm so mad I want to slap him!"

A similar set of differences occurs in body language above the neck. The open face smiles, makes eye contact, gives feedback, shows curiosity and raises the eyebrows to show interest. In a casual encounter, a quick look and a lowering of the eyes says, "I trust you. I'm not afraid of you." A prolonged look strengthens the positive signal. In conversation, we may use a nod of the head at the end of a statement to indicate that an answer is expected.

In contrast, the closed face frowns, purses the lips and avoids eye contact. And there is yet another negative
category to add to facial responses. We politely call it the neutral, or expressionless, face. It's the one that just gawks at you like a dead trout.

Frequently I look around at my audiences and recognize people who have heard me talk before. I recognize them because they have "the look of recognition" on their face when they see me. It's a look, or even an attitude, of silent anticipation that any minute I'll recognize them. Well, this look can work wonders—from time to time—with people you haven't met before. If you're on your own, try it out right now. Let your mouth open slightly in a smile as your eyebrows arch and your head tilts back a little with anticipation as you look directly at an imaginary person. A variation is to tilt your head as you look slightly away and then look back at the person with the bare minimum of a frown and/or pursed lips. Practice. Then give it a try. Be as subtle as you possibly can.

Last spring, I rented a bus for my daughter and her friends to be chauffeured around in on the night of their prom. While I was paying at the rental office, I noticed a woman sitting at the next desk over. She had a look on her face that said she knew me, and I racked my brain to place her. I couldn't.

In the end I had to say, "I'm sorry, but have we met before?"

"No," she replied seriously. Then she stood up at her desk, held out her hand to me and smiled. "Hi, I'm Natalie," she said.

I had been obliged to speak first, and she had done the polite thing. She had stood up, offered her hand, smiled and introduced herself. All completely innocent— or was it? I have no idea. But we had rapport, and she had me talking.