THE ALGORITHM FOR GETTING WOMEN TO LOVE YOU

Not only were the Venusian arts (the arts of love) excluded from your curriculum—but they're probably the only discipline teachers didn't try to cram into your brain as you passed from childhood through adolescence and then into adulthood. Let's face it, when you studied algebra at school, the only numbers you really cared about were the measurements of the girl in the tight sweater and the digits you needed to get her on the phone. Those numbers added up to something worth getting your hands on. Enter the Mystery Method. If someone doesn't have health and wants to get it, he or she will need to adopt an algorithm on how to do that—perhaps a new diet and workout regimen. If someone doesn't have wealth and wants to get it, he or she will need to adopt an algorithm for wealth building—perhaps a new investment portfolio. Similarly, in relationships, if someone doesn't have success and wants to get it, he or she will need to adopt the algorithm for success there. I invented that algorithm.

I am your teacher and this is your guidebook to discerning the patterns in dynamic social interactions and then using them to your advantage. This body of knowledge, called the science of social dynamics, has become my life's work, particularly as it applies to the world of pickup. It is about more than seduction and sexual conquest; it also encompasses making friends with men and women alike. But, make no mistake, it is first and foremost about getting laid more than you could ever have dreamed possible, assuming that's what you want. And not just laid but, like Casanova, laid by those gorgeous women who have always seemed beyond reach. For him, it was members of the aristocracy; for you, I'm talking about the women you see walking runways in stiletto heels, on the arms of pro athletes and celebrities, and in the pages of Playboy and Maxim. You can have them. The Mystery Method can give them to you.

MASTERING THE SCIENCE OF COURTSHIP

The Mystery Method provides a step-by-step game plan that structtures "courtship"—which is the quaint, old-fashioned term for the sequence of events that results in guys getting laid—for success. Before me, no one had ever defined courtship as a predetermined structure having several phases. Through years of study and experimentation, I identified a process that begins when you meet a woman who interests you. From there, using a finely calibrated ability to influence (not manipulate; there's a huge difference), which this book will help you develop, you build attraction with her. This concept is hugely important: Attraction comes before seduction. But attraction, while necessary, isn't an end in itself. Next, you need to build comfort with this woman you've targeted. (As you'll find out, both are equally necessary for reaching the end-game: sex.) As I teach "courtship." the process of building attraction and comfort will probably transpire over several venues—say, a bar and a restaurant—en route to the final venue, which will likely be your bed, or a hotel room's, That won't happen, however, until you create arousal at the end of the comfort-building stage and then begin a sexual relationship by seducing her.

That's what the Mystery Method does. What it is, is an advanced algorithm thirteen years in the making. I created it through years of trial and error, because I had to. When I was starting out there was no guidebook like the one you have now. I didn't have the luxury of buying a book like this, or attending a seminar, or Googling "pickup artist" online. Armed with nothing but ignorance and desire, I went out into "the field." because that's where the girls were. Step-by-step, I learned first how to "open." Once I learned how to open, I also discovered empirically that in public settings girls of beauty are seldom, if ever, alone. So then I had to get good at opening an entire group, and so on, until my system for seducing women became comprehensive,

battle-tested, and turnkey.

Honestly, had I read a guidebook like this when I was starting out, I would have saved myself about seven years of pain and confusion. Since its conception, the Mystery Method has been modified by some of my closest friends, most of whom were former students of mine who got caught up to speed on my techniques and became great pickup artists in their own right. Just as my students have learned their craft from me, I have in turn learned much from them, and the insights they gained in the field have improved my own methodology. Like any system of self-improvement and personal transformation, the Mystery Method is constantly being improved. It will always be a work in progress because the people using it are constantly changing as well. To

keep it up-to-date with the latest empirical data available, I make systematic improvements every six months, without fail.

Being Yourself

Do you feel nervous when you meet someone new? Physiologically, being nervous and being excited have a lot in common: pounding heart, churning tummy, high chest breathing and the general jitters. But one of these states might send you hightailing it for the nearest dark corner while the other one can serve you well and propel you forward. There is a tendency for panic to accompany nervousness, and this quite naturally makes bodily activities speed up. Because much of your nervousness stems from increased awareness, try redirecting
some of your awareness toward slowing down and being more deliberate. One great technique is to imagine that your nostrils are just below your navel and that your in-and-out breaths are happening down there. The slower you are, within reason, the more in control you will appear. 

The sooner you start telling yourself that you're excited rather than nervous, the sooner you'll be able to convince your subconscious that this is actually how you feel. And, in fact, that's really all that matters. Change your attitude, and your body language and voice tone will change to reflect your new attitude. Keep in mind that most people are as eager as you are to establish rapport. They will generously give you the benefit of the doubt.

Don't try too hard! In a study conducted at
Princeton University, students of both sexes were
questioned about their methods of sizing up people
they met for the first time. Overeagerness was
one of the most reported turnoffs. Don't smile too
hard, don't try to be too witty, don't be overpolite
and avoid the temptation to be patronizing.

As you become more at ease with your attitude, people will begin to notice characteristics that are unique to you—that set you apart from the others and define you as an individual. You will naturally and easily project the likable parts of your own unique personality and have more conscious control and confidence in your ability to create rapport at will.

It's just about impossible to be incongruent when you are operating from inside any kind of attitude, useful or otherwise. Because your attitude precedes you, it is an essential component of the first impression you make on new acquaintances.

Words vs. Tone

Say each phrase below with different tonality: anger, boredom, surprise and flirtatiousness. Notice how your body language, facial expression and breathing combine to alter your emotional state.

"It's late."

"I've had enough."

"Look at me."

"Where were you born?"

To check your tonality, find a friend and say one or two of these phrases. See if your friend can tell you which of the four feelings you're expressing. If it's not obvious, keep working at it until it's clear. body will signal to your brain by mixing up a chemical cocktail that corresponds to the discomfort that the other person is feeling. Then you will both be uncomfortable, and rapport will be that much harder to achieve. When they notice a discrepancy between your words and gestures, other people will believe the gestures and react accordingly.

So, congruity occurs when your body, voice tone and words are all in alignment. And when your body, tone and words are communicating the same thing, you will appear sincere and people will tend to believe you. This is why a Really Useful Attitude is so important. Appearing sincere, or congruent, is a key ingredient for building the trust that opens the door to likability and rapport.

Make sure that your words, your tonality and your

gestures are all saying the same thing. Be on the

lookout for incongruity in others. Notice how it

makes you feel.

We've all seen those old movies where a couple of people are driving along in a car, and they're rocking the steering wheel even though the background shows a road that's straight as an arrow. It's phony—you know they're really in a studio being bounced around in a box. Your senses have told you that something isn't right, something is out of alignment, and so you can't believe what you see. Or have you ever had someone get mad at you and then, in the middle of bawling you out, flash a sinister little smile that disappears as fast as it came? Very chilling. This is another example of incongruent behavior. The smile doesn't belong with the anger; it's insincere.

Recognizing incongruent behavior is another survival instinct. If you're on vacation and you're approached by a complete stranger who grins at you while he rubs his hands briskly together, licks his lips and says, "Good morning, how would you like to invest in the world's best time-share deal," the chances are you'll be on your guard. A quick congruence check is instinctive and is another reason why first impressions are paramount.

Frequently a person's emotions and intentions are misunderstood by those around them. For instance, a woman at one of my seminars discovered that she unconsciously used a tone of voice that was incongruent with her words. "No, I'm not confused, I'm interested," she would insist when tested. And again, "No, I'm not sad, I'm relaxed." This went on and on until she came to the verge of tears and said, "Now I know why my kids are always saying, 'Mom, how come you get mad at us all the time?' And I'm not mad at them. Sometimes I'm just excited."

The same woman also told us that her coworkers accused her of sarcasm but that, to her, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, sarcasm is simply words said with conflicting voice tone. It is structured so the person on the receiving end will believe what's inferred by the tonality. Suppose you let your team down and somebody is heard to quip, "That was brilliant," with a tonality that communicates annoyance.

It's a very different case when you score a fantastic goal and the same person is heard to say with excitement, "That was brilliant!"

Congruity, then, has one unshakable rule and it is this: If your gestures, tone and words do not say the same thing, people will believe the gestures. Go up to someone you know, purse your lips and say, "I really like you," with your eyebrows raised and your arms folded.

Ask them what they think. Even better, go find a mirror and try it. Well? You get my point. Your gestures are a giveaway to what you really mean.

Why Likability Works

If people like you, they feel natural and comfortable around you. They will give you their attention and happily open up for you. Likability has something to do with how you look but a lot more to do with how you make people feel. My old nanny, who brought me up to be passionate about people,used to talk about having "a sunny disposition." She'd take me out on the promenade, and we'd spot the people who had sunny dispositions and all those who were "sourpusses." She told me we can choose what we want to be, and then we'd laugh at the sourpusses because they looked so serious. Likable people give loud and clear signals of their willingness to be sociable; they reveal that their public communication channels are open. Embedded in these signals is evidence of self-confidence, sincerity and trust. Likable people expose a warm, easygoing public face with an outgoing radiance that states, "I am ready to connect. I am open for business." They are welcoming and friendly, and they get other people's attention.

Connect and Feel Love

Finally, we benefit from each other emotionally. We are not closed, self-regulating systems, but open loops regu-lated, disciplined, encouraged, reprimanded, supported and validated by the emotional feedback we receive from others. From time to time, we meet someone who influences our emotions and vital body rhythms in such a pleasurable way that we call it love. Be it through body language, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice or words alone, other people make our hard times more bearable, our good times much sweeter. We use the emotional input of other humans as much as we do the air we breathe and the food we eat. Deprive us of emotional and physical contact (a hug and a smile can go a long way), and we will wither and die just as surely as if we were deprived of food. That's why we hear stories of children in orphanages who grow sickly and weak despite being adequately fed and clothed. People with autism may desire emotional and physical contact but can languish because they are hindered by their lack of social skills. And how often have you heard about one spouse in a 50-year marriage who, despite being medically healthy, dies a few short months or even weeks after the death of the other spouse? Food and shelter aren't enough. We need each other, and we need love.

Connect and Feel Safe

Connecting is good for the community. After all, a community is the culmination of a lot of connections: common beliefs, achievements, values, interests and geography. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was Detroit. Three thousand years ago, in what today we call Rome, Indo-Europeans connected to hunt, survive and generally look out for one another. Three hundred years ago, a French trader turned up to create a safe haven for his fur business; he started making connections and pretty soon Detroit was born.

We have a basic, physical need for other people; there are shared, mutual benefits in a community, so we look out for each other. A connected community provides its members with strength and safety. When we feel strong and safe, we can put our energy into evolving socially, culturally and spiritually.

The Benefits of Connecting

Our personal growth and evolution (and the evolution of societies) come about as a result of connecting with our fellow humans, whether as a band of young warriors setting out on a hunt or as a group of coworkers heading out to the local pizzeria after work on Friday. As a species, we are instinctively driven to come together and form groups of friends, associations and communities. Without them, we cannot exist.

Making connections is what our gray matter does best. It receives information from our senses and processes it by making associations. The brain delights in and learns from these associations. It grows and flourishes when it's making connections. People do the same thing. It's a scientific fact that people who connect live longer. In their gem of a book,Keep Your Brain Alive, Lawrence Katz and Manning Rubin quote studies by the McArthur Foundation and the International Longevity Center in New York and at the University of Southern California. These studies show that people who stay socially and physically active have longer life spans. This doesn't mean hanging out with the same old crowd and peddling around on an exercise bike. It means getting out and making new friends. When you make new connections in the outside world, you make new connections in the inside world—in your brain. This keeps you young and alert. Edward M. Hallowell, in his very savvy book Connect, cites the 1979 Alameda County Study by Dr. Lisa Berkman of the Harvard School of Health Sciences. Dr. Berkman and her team carefully looked at 7,000 people, aged 35 to 65,over a period of nine years. Their study concluded that people who lack social and community ties are almost three times more likely to die of medical illness than those who have more extensive contacts. And all this is independent of socioeconomic status and health practices such as smoking, alcoholic beverage consumption,

obesity or physical activity!

Other people can also help you take care of your needs and desires. Whatever it is you'd like in this life—romance, a dream job, a ticket to the Rose Bowl—the chances are pretty high that you'll need someone's help to get it. If people like you, they will be disposed to give you their time and their efforts. And the better the quality of rapport you have with them, the higher the level of their cooperation.

People Power

Connecting to other people brings infinite rewards.And whether its landing a job, winning the promotion, gaining the sale, charming a new partner, electrifying your audience or passing inspection by future in-laws, if people like you, the welcome mat is out and a connection is yours for the making. Other people are your greatest resource. They give birth to you; they feed you, dress you, provide you with money, make you laugh and cry; they comfort you, heal you, invest your money, service your car and bury you. We can't live without them. We can't even die without them.

Connecting is what our ancestors were doing thousands of years ago when they gathered around the fire to eat woolly mammoth steaks or stitch together the latest animal-hide fashions. It's what we do when we hold quilting bees, golf tournaments, conferences and yard sales; it underlies our cultural rituals from the serious to the frivolous, from weddings and funerals to Barbie Doll conventions and spaghetti-eating contests.

Even the most antisocial of artists and poets who spend long, cranky months painting in a studio or composing in a cubicle off their bedroom are usually hoping that through their creations they will eventually connect with the public. And connection lies at the very heart of those three pillars of our democratic civilization: government, religion and television. Yes, television. Given that you can discuss Friends or The X-Files with folks from Berlin to Brisbane, a case must be made for the tube's ability to help people connect all over the globe. Thousands of people impact all aspects of our lives, be it the weatherman at the TV studio in a neighboring city, or the technician at a phone company across the continent, or the woman in Tobago who picks the mangoes for your fruit salad. Every day, wittingly or unwittingly, we make a myriad of connections with people around the world.