Face to Face

The Internet has been touted as the ultimate tool for bringing people together into shared communities of interest. And it's true: if you're searching for other teddy bear collectors in Toledo or mud wrestlers in Minsk, you'll find them on the Web. For people who are housebound because of disabilities or illness, the Web can also be a godsend. Still, we have to remember that spending hours in front of a screen, typing into cyberspace, is a poor substitute for the full spectrum of experience offered by face-to-face time with another person. You might well meet someone in a chat room who interests you romantically, but would you agree to marry before meeting a few times in person? You need to be in a person's presence for a while in order to pick up all the verbal and nonverbal cues. The atmosphere created by physical and mental presence is as important as surface attraction, if not more so. For example, what sort of environment do the two of you create? How spontaneous are you? How strong is your need for conversation? What about your openness, supportiveness and companionship? If you don't meet each other's emotional needs, you may be heading for failure. These things can only be determined by face-to-face contact. Only then can you tell if you're really "connecting."