It's Your Choice

The good news is that attitudes are yours to select. And if you're free to choose any one you please, why not choose a Really Useful Attitude? Let's say you just flew into Miami International Airport and you missed your connection for Omaha. You simply have to get on the next flight at all costs, so you go up to the airline desk and shout at the representative.

This is a Really Useless Attitude. If what you want is to get the attendant's maximum help, the best thing you can do is to find a Really Useful Attitude that will create rapport and get his cooperation. I'll probably regret saying this, but I've talked my way out of dozens of automobile-related tickets (I've also failed a few times) and not just for parking infractions.

I'm absolutely convinced that if I'd started by telling the officer his radar was off or by losing my temper and getting angry and telling him I'm the mayor's cousin and I'll never visit this town again, I'd be doomed from the start. If I want the officer to like me, to be understanding and not give me a ticket, then I have to assume a Really Useful Attitude like "I'm sorry" or "Fair enough" or "My, what a fool I am" or "Oh wow, yes, thanks!"

The last time I got stopped, the officer followed me into the village supermarket parking lot and pulled to a stop across the back of my car; I got out and walked to his car. From his physical appearance, with his beard

and body set, I figured he was a Kinesthetic, or feeling based person (you'll learn more about this later), so the first words out of my mouth were "Fair and square." That's because there was no doubt I was in the wrong. He gave me a well-deserved speech about what I'd done and let me off with a warning. The point is that my attitude set the tone of the encounter—because I knew what I wanted.

In face-to-face situations, your attitude precedes you. It is the central force in your life—it controls the quality and appearance of everything you do. It doesn't take much imagination to dream up some Really Useless Attitudes—anger, impatience, conceit, boredom, cynicism—so why not take a moment to contemplate and feel a Really Useful Attitude? When you meet someone for the first time, you can be curious, enthusiastic, inquiring, helpful or engaging. Or my favorite—warm. There's something intoxicating about warm human contact; in fact, scientists have discovered that it can generate the release of opiates in the brain—how about that for a Really Useful Attitude?

Needless to say, all the above are more useful than revenge and disrespect. Ask yourself, "What do I want, right now, at this moment? And which attitude will serve me best?" Remember, there are only two types of attitudes to consider.