Establishing Rapport

Rapport is the establishment of common ground, of a comfort zone where two or more people can mentally join together. When you have rapport, each of you brings something to the interaction—attentiveness,warmth, a sense of humor, for example—and each brings something back: empathy, sympathy, maybe a couple of great jokes. Rapport is the lubricant that allows social exchanges to flow smoothly. The prize, when you achieve rapport, is the other person's positive acceptance. This response won't be in so many words, but it will signal something like this: "I know I just met you, but I like you so I will trust you with my attention." Sometimes rapport just happens all by itself, as if by chance; sometimes you have to give it a hand. Get it right, and the communicating can begin. Get it wrong, and you'll have to bargain for attention.

As you meet and greet new people, your ability to establish rapport will depend on four things: your attitude, your ability to "synchronize" certain aspects of behavior like body language and voice tone, your conversation skills and your ability to discover which sense (visual, auditory or kinesthetic) the other person relies on most. Once you become adept in these four areas, you will be able to quickly connect and establish rapport with anyone you choose and at any time.

Read on, and you'll discover that it's possible to speed up the process of feeling comfortable with a stranger by quantum-leaping the usual familiarization rituals and going straight into the routines that people who like each other do naturally. In virtually no time at all, you will be getting along as if you've known each

other for ages. Many of my students report that when achieving rapport becomes second nature, they find people asking, "Are you sure we haven't met before?" I know the feeling; it happens to me all the time. And it's not just people asking me the question. 1 am convinced that half the people I meet, I've met before—

that's the way it goes when you move easily into another person's map of the world. It's a wonderful feeling.