You know how certain sounds can remind you of some thing special in your life? When I was eight, my mother took me to a resort where I stood next to a man making fresh doughnuts while Paul Anka sang "Diana" in the background. Now, whenever I hear this song, it triggers the smell of fresh doughnuts and the memory of that happy holiday. It's the song that triggers the memory. A trigger can be a sound or something visual. It can also be a feeling or action. And believe it or not, it can be a clenched fist. Follow the steps below, and you'll see what I mean. Use the hand you write with and clench your fist tightly. Then release. Repeat the action a couple of times. This will be your trigger.
1. Pick a Really Useful Attitude—one that you know will be useful when you first meet someone. It can be curious, resourceful, warm or patient, or any attitude you think will work for you. But it must be one that you have experienced at some time in your life and can recall on demand.
2. Find a comfortable spot, quiet and not too bright, where you won't be disturbed for 10 minutes. Sit down, place both feet on the floor, breathe slowly into your abdomen (not your chest) and relax.
3. Now you're ready. Close your eyes and picture a time in your life when you felt the attitude you have chosen. In your mind's eye, make a picture of this specific event. Put in all the detail you can remember. What was in the foreground and background? Is the picture sharp or fuzzy, black-and-white or color? Is it large or small? Take your time and make it as real as you can. Now step into that picture and look out through your own eyes. Take note of what you see.
4. Next, bring up the sounds associated with this picture. Notice where the sounds come from: the left, the right, in front or behind? How loud or soft are they? What kinds of sounds are they? Music? Voices? Listen to the tone and the volume and the rhythm. Listen deeply, and the sounds will come flooding back. Listen to the quality of each sound and try to hear how it contributes to your chosen attitude.
5. Bring in the physical sensations associated with the event: the feel of the things around you, the air temperature, your clothing, your hair, what you're standing or sitting on. Next, notice the feelings inside your body. Where do they begin? Perhaps they move around in your body. Move your concentration deep into these wonderful feelings and enjoy them. Ride with them. Notice any smells and tastes that want to be included, and savor them, too.
6. With your "outside" eyes still closed, look out through your "inside" eyes again at the scene. Make the pictures sharper, brighter, bolder and bigger. Make the sounds stronger, clearer, purer and more perfect. Make the feelings stronger, richer, deeper, warmer. Follow the intensity of the feelings if they move from one place to another, then loop them back to the beginning and intensify them. Loop them over and over as they get stronger and stronger. Let the feeling flood all over you.
7. Make everything twice as big and strong and pure. Then double it again. And again. Now your whole body and mind are luxuriating in the experience of it all. Seeing it, hearing it, feeling it. Make the sensations as strong as you can, and just when you can't make them any stronger, double them one more time and clench your fist hard and fast as you anchor the height of the experience to your trigger. Feel the sensations pour through you. Intensify them again, then clench your fist at the height of the feelings and release. Relax your hand and feel the sensations pour through your body. Do this one more time, then relax your hand and the rest of your body. Come down in your own time and relax.
Wait a minute or so, then test your trigger. Make a tight fist and notice the feelings rush into all your senses. Test it again after a couple of minutes. You are ready to use this Really Useful Attitude whenever you want
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